Committee Meeting ...
There was this urgent committee meeting by all notable politicians of INDIA irrespective of their party at the residence of Sonia Gandhi to discuss about the recent terror attacks in Mumbai by the terrorists. The personalities who took part in this meeting was our lovely prime minister Man Mohan Singh (MMS), Sonia Gandhi (SG), Shivraj Patil (SP), Narendra Modi (NM), Vilas Rao Deshmuk (VRD), Jayalalitha (J), Karunanidhi (K), Anbumani Ramadoss (ARD), Advani (AD) and P Chidambaram (PC), and Raj Thackerey (RT) here starts their "serious" discussion.
MMS: Hey guys, I think the entire nation is accusing all the politicians for this massacre in Mumbai, so we being "responsible" politicians should do something to change the mind-set of our dear citizens so please pour in your ideas and let's brainstorm.
SG: What ?? What did you said just now ? "I think" is it ? And give MMS a nasty stare
MMS: Oopss!!, I should have told "What Soniya Ji is thinking is ...." (Tells to himself - When did we start thinking on our own ??)
SP: Soniya ji, I feel vindicated by this whole incident, I don’t understand why people are so pissed off with me and wanted me to quit my post. It has been very clearly told that I am a "Home Minister" and I should take care of "homes" and there was never a word which says "Hotel Minister" in my portfolio, so how can I be blamed for a terrorist attack which took place in a hotel and not in a home ?
SG: You stupid, all you know is to change your dress every 2 hours, and did you ever think of changing your brains ?
SP: Oh, thanks Sonia Ji, I gotta go and change my safari, yesterday Raymond's gave me a new suit which I haven’t tried yet, thanks for reminding.
PC: Yoii, Ex-Home Minister, our country is like a home, and you have to take care of this country like the way you will take care of you home, that's why you have been named "Home Minister" and what have to done now ? You did not bother about this country and you where happily sleeping at home.
SP: Oh, New Home Minister ah ?? Thanks for your advice and also clarification. Now I understand why our country's economy is plunging like titanic, I think you have mistaken the meaning of your portfolio "Finance Minister" like the way you have mistaken "Home Minister", so you are treating all our country's finance as your "home" finance and then hiding most of it from the PM is it ?
P. Chidambaram leaves that place as if he got a call to his cell phone "aaru, aachiyaa, eppadi irrukeenga ..." and escapes ...
SG: ooi MMS, when the entire country was burning at the hands of terrorist you thinking as if you are acting brilliantly, have called in for an emergency meeting at 4:00 PM is it ?? Even a stupid will laugh at your decision man, the terror attacks have been happening round the clock and you keeping a meeting at 4:00 PM the next day is it ??
MMS: Soniya ji, I am sorry, I actually thought of keeping that meeting that mid-night itself, but without your permission what I have done tell me ? Since you were sleeping, I don’t want to disturb you and also I don’t want to take any decisions on my own, which I have never taken in my life as a PM of INDIA.
SG: I am sorry to tell this MMS, you at times behave like a SARDAR who has no brains. Don't you know when there is an emergency you can feel free to disturb me ?
MMS: I very well know that Soniya Ji, but I don’t know whether this Mumbai attack is an emergency one or not, normally you only would tell me which is an emergency and which is not.
SG: (Tells to herself), My GOD damn, this singh is killing ...
J: If my government would have ruled in this state, this incident would never had happened, but what to do, I can't be everywhere.
K: Oh yaa, certainly this wouldn’t have happened, she would have booked this hotel for some lavish marriage and she would have blocked all the roads that leads to railway station, hospital, bus stops etc etc, so the terrorists too would have got stranded in that traffic jam and would have gone back home.
PC: Don't worry guys, with all these incidents the INDIAN economy is very much fine and we are at a much healthy state than any other country, so don’t worry. My successor Mr MMS will do a good job to maintain from where I have left.
AD: Hahahaha, Mr. PC, I never know that you have such a terrific sense of humour, or is it something like a "Short Term Memory Loss" for you ? Please don’t continue to blabber the same way in your new portfolio
VRD: I don’t know what to say, I am equally shocked like all the other citizens of INDIA. If I would have got a small clue that these terrorists are going to attack my people, I would have taken drastic steps to curb their action plans.
AD: Soniyaa Gandhi, I thot you were the only joker in your party, but it looks like your entire gang is a bunch of jokers. See, he is talking as if the terrorists should send him an official note that they are gonna target Mumbai. hahaha, you folks are really funny I say.
NM: I too feel the same way as what VRD is feeling, being a responsible citizen of this country and also being a guardian of this state, I should have protected my people, but the terrorists strike without a notice.
ARD: We actually got good information from the IB folks, but as usually we thought that to be a hoax and hence ignored that warning. The problem is IB is not always intelligent.
K: I think my state is the safest amongst all the other states in this country, My people feel so secured and there is absolutely no worry in their minds over a terrorist attack or any calamities of that sort.
J: The reason is, all the terrorists are within his party and we don’t need any one from outside to spoil that state. He has a mini version of LeT, Al-Quida inside his party, one is headed by his son Stalin and another one by his son Azhagiri
VRD He gets a call and he says "haan ji, haan ji, haan ji, teeke ji, teeke ji ... shukriyaa" and keeps the phone.
RT: I wanted to let you all know that I am deeply hurt by the fact that we allowed non-maharaashtrian's to attack this state, this bombing should have been done only by a fellow maraatiyan. Let me talk to my dad and initiate an opposition rally to this incident, already a team of people have been sent to many cricket grounds to dig the pitches, as we do not want any cricket match to happen with pakistani's anymore.
SG: Will you all stop blabbering ? We are here for some serious discussion to find out ways to get a good name amongst the public, I feel as if we politicians are targeted. We should not allow these INDIANs to think, they will collapse our rule and they can do anything they wanted to. Being a politician we should not allow our people to think, if they start thinking we are gone.
K: I have a wonderful idea, which was very well executed and time tested in my state. Announce immediately to all the citizens of Mumbai a free GUN, ask them to be self prepared to protect themselves, also announce that you will supply bullets (ravai) in all the ration shops for Re 1/- per KG
J: (Tell to herself) Oh no, not again.
VRD gets another call and this time he says "Waah Waah Waah ... teeke ji, mujae baath karo ji, mae ek important meeting mae hoon"
MMS: Being the PM of this country, I am planning to address the whole nation and ask them to be bold and fight against terror. I will assure all of them that we politicians are always with them to support them. What do you say Soniyaa ji ?
SG: MMS, you don’t need to prove me that you are an idiot, the entire meeting is because that our Indian citizens are terribly angry on us, we have to do something good to make them feel secured. Tell me some good idea
RT: First let’s flush out all non-maraatiyan from this state, I think they are the ones who have links with the terrorists and they are only helping them to get into our state. If they refuse to get out of our state, then we shall inject a cultural / religious fight between them and make them fight with each other, anyways these people will never be united when it comes to religion.
Sonia Gandhi takes her cell phone and dials "Al-Quida", "Hey Osama, this is sonia, how are you ?", btw - last week you called me to get the name of some popular personality whom you need to kill with a human bomb ?, please note the name, its "Bal Thackerey" and if you kill him, an additional supplement of "Raj Thackerey" can also be killed. Hearing this Raj Thackerey runs as fast as his heel kicking his ass.
NM: I actually went to Karkare's residence to pay last respects to that hero, but his wife was so violent that she untied her dog in her house and chased all of us away.
MMS: Even our home minister was given a DOG welcome when he went to meet one of the commando's families to mourn his death.
P C: All these are because of this stupid Achuthananthan, he only pulled in the DOG into these controversies, and so all the affected families are chasing us with a dog.
Sonia Gandhi: I don’t know what you guys will do, we need to gain good name amongst our country people, so think out a plan and let me know.
In the meantime VRD got a call on his cell phone and he was very happily responding "Thanks a lot ji, I am truly grateful to you, I will meet you soon"
SG: Hey stupid, we are in an important meeting and to whom you are talking all the time ?
VRD: No Sonia Ji, its Ram Gopal Verma, he has agreed to shoot a film on this Mumbai attacks and has agreed to introduce my son as the hero, so soon my son will be acting in a movie and he will be a great star.
MMS: So you are the VILLAIN in the real show and your son will be the hero in the reel version of this is it ?
SG asks all the other politicians to get into her guest rooms and asked VRD to stay outside, in a minute VRD was chased by some 50 dogs, and I don’t know what happened next.