Feb 24, 2009

You - I - We & Me - Part 2

Read Part - 1

Varun's sister is once again back to his place along with her two kids, there must have been some fight with her husband and she has come to her mom's place, this has now become a regular scene at his place, the last time she came to his place was two weeks back, as she had a big fight with her husband as he refused to change the channel she wanted to view. Varun's thoughts went blank and he knows he has to give top priority to this issue than trying to pacify Kaavya. Varun's sister Neenu came with a swollen eyes and already she had stored tears in that and moment she saw Varun she dropped all her bags and dashed hard on Varun's shoulders, and cried like hell, Varun sensed that she is creating a scene and hence he moved her into the house.

Neenu was all complaints about her husband and as expected her mom too joined her side and started to curse her husband. Varun has heard enough of such conversations where they blast his sister's husband and they are the one's who praise him when he comes home to take his sister back with him. Varun was all ears to listen to the latest fight and what caused her to eject herself from her in-laws place.

So what's the deal this time, asked Varun

I am not going to go back to that hell, I think it’s all over, and I don’t have any reason to live with him anymore

Hmmm, interesting to see that you never change your statements, you maintain this every time you come here after a fight

Don't irritate me Varun; do you know what he did this time?

What? He changed the TV channel which you were seeing is it?

Shut up!! He slapped me.

What??? Slapped you? For what?

For an issue which is good for nothing to be even mentioned

It would be good if you mention that here, so that I can see who is at fault

Just because I delayed a bit to serve his mom her lunch

Why did you delay serving the lunch to his mom? You know she is diabetic and she is not physically able to do things on her own, so you should have taken care of her in the first place.

I was watching this important serial, I thought of serving her food during a break, but the breaks were too short, and hence I did not serve her the food.

So, if the same thing happens to your mom will you be quite?

Look Varun, if you don’t like me coming to this place, let me know; don't try to find fault on me. Mummy, you better be careful with this guy, he is not supporting us when he is bachelor, I think he will totally ignore us when he gets married, so you find a girl for him, who is obedient and who is always in your control

Varun banged the door hard and rushed out of the house. He is quite used to such a kind of a neck pecking atmosphere in his place, but he was worried whether Kaavya would like to live in such an atmosphere. He needs to think twice before he confessing his love affair to his mom. Varun reached Kaavya's office and he informed the receptionist that he needs to meet Kaavya, the receptionist asked him to wait and he dialed Kaavya's extension and within two minutes, the receptionist told him that Kaavya is very busy in a meeting and she will not be out till 6 in the evening. Varun sensed that Kaavya is avoiding him and she does not want to see him. He just left a SMS to her saying - "So, is it all over ?", and there was no reply from Kaavya for that which a kind of confirmed that message.

Varun looked like a zombie at work and he just could not concentrate on anything. He left office around 2 and he found himself a place inside a park, its the same park where he and Kaavya had spent hours together, laughing at each other, sharing each others shoulder, eating a cone of roasted peanuts by throwing it up in the air and catching it in the mouth, discussing about the future plans, right from how their marriage has to happen to how many kid they wanted to have, when all these memories was flashing by Varun's mind, he just could not control the tear glass his eyes brought in front of his vision. He was upset on himself for being so timid in life and not disclosing his desire to his mom, and also the condition that she has put to him, and the promise that she has taken from him. Varun pitied himself for the state he is in today.

It was almost 6 in the evening and Varun was lying on the grass, the regular guy who sells peanuts to him asked him - What sir, you are alone today ? Where is your friend? I know you will not buy peanuts from me, coz you will not have a company to throw that in air and catch it. That guy rubbed salt on his wounded heart as if he applies salt to his peanuts. His cell phone vibrated from his back pocket, his mind said it is not Kaavya but his heart wanted that to be Kaavya, finally his mind won, it was a call from his home, he picked up the call, his mom asked him to come home immediately as his brother-in-law has come home to pick his sister and she is refusing to go with him, so he has to play the referee role now. He still looked like a zombie and he went near his bike and started that, once again the his cell phone vibrated and once again his mind won, it was again a call from home, his mom ordered Varun to get some snacks while coming home. He put his mobile back to his pocket and started driving his bike. His cell phone once again vibrated, but he is in no mood to pick that up, but unfortunately, this time his heart won, and it was Kaavya who was calling him and he missed her call.

Varun reached home and he somehow convinced his sister and his brother-in-law and managed to pack them off to their place, but he is sure that the launched rocket will one day come back to the base. Varun had a quite dinner and he had no guts to see his mom straight on her face. He finished his dinner, and he slipped on to his casuals, but the cell phone remained inside the back pocket of his with vibrate mode switched on. Kaavya tried calling him for almost 10 times and finally she sent him an SMS which read "I never said, its all over, but it looks like you have ended this relationship, Goodbye forever". He tried a lot to read a book, but he could not concentrate, as his mind was pre-occupied by the promise he gave to his mom and which is actually stopping him from confessing his desire to marry Kaavya. His mom entered his room after a knock and said - They are all coming to see you next Saturday, so don't go anywhere, good night". Varun's world came to a stand still ...

To be continued ...

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Feb 22, 2009

You - I - We & Me - Part 1

Varun's cell phone blinked "Kaavya calling ...” he did not notice the time, but he is sure that it’s late in the night, he picked it up and said "Hey what's up? Calling so late? You not feeling sleepy is it? Kaavya did not respond for a minute and finally she broke the silence with a broken tone, "I think this will not work out and I am sorry for coming into your life" and the line goes dead. Varun pinched himself to make sure that its not a dream, he started to sweat and tried calling her again, but all he got was - "The number you are trying to reach is currently switched off ...” Varun could not sleep any further and his memories took him back to the day he met Kaavya for the first time in his life ...

Varun met Kaavya in a war zone, yes, both of them work as journalists and they both met each other in Mumbai during the terror attack which happened in the trains. Varun worked for one of the leading news channels as their reporter and Kaavya worked for its rival news channel. The rivalry is only between the channels and not between its reporters. Varun was the first to say a Hi to Kaavya and she too responded with a smile. They both have to stay for days together in Mumbai to cover the story and they happened to spend good amount of time with each other. They never thought that this relationship will turn into love and that is going to change their life forever.

Varun and Kaavya came back to Chennai and still they continue to maintain their friendship. It all started with "Good Morning" sms's and then to phone calls and then to late night chatty sessions. Both of them were very comfortable with each other. They discovered some amount of closeness between them and they were happy about it. Though they did not exchange that three worded sentence, they allowed it to "go without saying". Varun took her once to his house and Kaavya was welcomed by his mom who showed absolutely no expressions on her face, not even a smile on her face. Varun tried his best to make his mom talk to her, but she showed little interest. Varun does not want to give Kaavya the feel that his mom is not happy in he bringing her home, so he managed the scene very well by saying, "Oh, today is Friday naa, Mom used to be silent for the whole day, I almost forgot that". Kaavya is not so dumb to believe that, still, she pretended as if she is convinced.

That incident disturbed Kaavya a bit but as she got busy with her work, that feel faded from her mind. They both continued to be as usual and their late night chats and occasional dinner meetings continued. It was one such dinner meeting and that's when they both decided to crack the nut and then do some serious talking about their relationship. Kaavya opened the topic.

Varun, are we flirting?

Ah, I don’t think so Kaavya, I think our relationship is more than friendship

I know that, but there must be an end to this, I mean we have to name this relationship

So, have you decided to be with me forever?

If I did not feel so, I wouldn’t have taken this relationship this far.

I know dear. Ok, I will talk to my mom this week and we will take one step at a time

What do you mean by one step at a time?

I mean, I first have to talk to my mom and get her acceptance and then we have to proceed. I think that will be the same procedure at your place too. Isn’t it?

So do you feel that your mom may not agree to this? In my place I have no issues; my dad has given me the freedom to decide my future. He trusts me a lot.

I did not mean that way. My mom is pretty orthodox; she may want to have our horoscopes matched.

What if that does not match? Are we planning to go by what the planets say or by what our heart says?

Let me first talk to my mom, and that's the reason I said, lets take one step at a time.

Varun, as you know, it’s very difficult to live with uncertainties in life. Hope you understand.

Rest of the dinner went without they uttering a word and it’s the forks and spoons who did the rest of the talking with their plates. Varun was waiting for the right time to open this topic to his mom and to his surprise his mom called him to her room and she said she has to say something important to him. Varun obeys his mom and he has not done anything against her wish till date. He knows how much his mom has suffered to bring him up once he lost his dad. He respects her for the courage she has shown against this society which has proven deadly for vulnerable widows like her. Varun has no clue of what his mother is going to share with him, so with too many hooks hanging over his head; he walked in to her room.

Kaavya met him the next day and she asked him if he has opened the topic about their marriage at his place and Varun had silence as a reply to that question. Kaavya knows that it will not be fair to put pressure on Varun as she knows how much he respects his mom; she is a very matured girl. Varun looked at her and that look conveyed the message to her that he needs some more time. Kaavya weaved her fingers with him and looked straight into his eyes and told him, "I will wait". Varun felt as if a big burden was lifted off his shoulder, but he knows that the same burden is going to be back on his shoulders very soon. Days rolled into months and Kaavya was running out of time, this time the pressure was from her family side. She cannot disclose anything to her parents without Varun confirming anything from his side, so she did not disclose her intentions to her parents, though they are not going to object to her wish.

With all these going in Varun's mind, he was shook by the alarm which struck at 6 in the morning. He still could not believe what he heard last night from Kaavya. He tried her number once again and got the same "Switched Off" reply. Varun decided to go to her office in person and meet her. He got ready by 7:00 and he knows that Kaavya too will be attending the morning shift today, he marched towards his gate to pick up his bike and for a minute he stood frozen at the gate, he just could not believe his eyes ...

To be continued ...

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Feb 21, 2009

Unveiling Me ...

Tagging is getting innovative day by day in this blog-o-sphere. This time too I am with a tag and the credit goes to Amrita. This tag is meant to scribble random thoughts, facts, habits and goals and finally I need to catch 25 more goats like this and ask them to do the same thing ... Well, and here I go with my thoughts ...

1. I have started to read news papers very meticulously nowadays and try to keep track of almost all the current happenings in and around the world. I don’t know how I got into this habit, but somehow it got attached on its own. Though I get time to read those morning newspapers only in the nights, but still it’s a good time pass.

2. If I have to take stats of the one item that I prefer eating outside, it leaves me with one name and that is "Rava Dosa". I think I am addicted to that. I was actually introduced to "Rava Dosa" by my close friend L who happens to order that wherever she goes and probably I picked it from her.

3. I know I am burning myself hard at work these days. Working 16 hours a day is not doing any good to me or to my health or to my food habits. I wish I can relax for sometime and keeping my fingers crossed of when that day would come.

4. I somehow developed a passion to clean the utensils after cooking. I sincerely do that every day after I finish cooking my dinner or lunch. To be very honest, it actually gives me some kind of relaxation.

5. Wanting to buy a BOSE - LS32 Home Theatre, but current IT recession is not allowing me to spend 1.71 Lakhs on a music system. Though that amount is not a big deal to spend with the saving that I have, but something stops me in buying that. Its one of my life time dream and I will surely achieve that one day in my lifetime.

6. I keep my house spic and span. I don’t like even if there is small dirt on my flooring. The same thing applies to my restrooms as well.

7. I used to play very good cricket. I have partnered "Sadagopan Ramesh" during my college days and we both share a 100 run partnership as well. I wish I should have taken that as my profession, but somehow fate pushed me into IT. But now its all history, Satish cannot even defend a ball which is coming straight on to his stumps :(

8. Music is my blood, air and soul. When I am at home, Illayaraja, SPB, Chitra, AR Rehman all will be singing exclusively for me. I do sing along, but that's purely personal and I make sure that I am not audible beyond those 4 walls.

9. I actually don’t care about my looks. I strongly feel that we should never judge a person by his or her looks. I am proud and happy that I am dark complexioned, I am one of the most liked person in my office, I am sure it is not based on my looks, it is based on my character.

10. I am very choosy in my friends. I don’t move very closely with anyone. I would always be a spectator / listener when I am with new crowd. If I select a friend, he or she is a friend for life. I will never allow that relationship to break, even if the other one wants to leave me.

11. I generally don show my emotions out, so it will be very difficult for people to know my moods. Only very close friends of mine like L, C, V or R can tell my mood, just by looking at me and my eyes. I am a very difficult person for others to read me.

12. I have this very bad habit of biting nails and I have tried enough to stop that, but of no use. I don’t think I can stop that in my lifetime. Good that my foot nails are not reachable to my teeth, if not, I would bite that as well.

13. I generally take anything and everything on the lighter sense in my day to day activities. It is good sometimes and bad sometimes. People around me tend to take undue advantage of this and situations have become worse at times because of that.

14. I am a very bad teacher. I just cannot teach idiots. I am not a guy who someone can look upon as a mentor. I go wild when someone refuses to understand what I said or taught. Also I never teach twice, it will always be once and that will be the last as well. I don’t have patience you see!!.

15. Work is something which I take very seriously. I would want to do justice to what I do at work. I need to feel “deserving” at the end of the month when I draw money from the ATM. I never take my work lightly. I always give 100% or more.

16. I am an animal lover. I love almost all animals in this world. I had couple of un-successful attempts in bringing up a dog at home, those were street dogs though, since I don’t have anyone to take care of them, I am not buying a pup yet. The biggest reason in me not buying a PUP is my dad. He actually attacked me emotionally by saying - “You will bring a puppy home, just because you have to be happy and play with him, but did you think about that puppy’s mother and his other brothers and sisters ? Do you know how much that mommy dog will miss her kid ? do you know how much that pup will miss his mom ?”. After hearing all these, do you think I will get a pup home ?? I know the value of a mom, as I don’t have one. So it’s better to admire pups from a distance and not to own one for me. I make sure that I offer something for the street dogs I see daily in my area. I should say that I have got a big “dog” following for me in my locality.

17. I am very conscious about taking water anywhere outside my home. I will never drink water in restaurants or hotels. I will wait till I get to home and then only I will drink. I will not even drink packaged water like Aquafina or Kinley. I know it’s a mindset, but what to do, I cannot get over it.

18. I am a person who does not listen to others. In the sense, I will never make decisions based on others suggestions, I always wanted the final decision to be of mine, the simple reason being, if something goes wrong out of that decision, I should be the only person to be blamed and not others.

19. I am extremely spiritual. I always feel that GOD has blessed me more than what I deserve. I am thankful to GOD for everything he has given to me in life, excellent dad, granny and aunt, affectionate friends, wonderful job, above all, extreme satisfaction and peace of mind. What else one need other than this ? People say that I miss a life partner, but that would just be an icing on the cake, that’s it. I don’t believe in religion, which is something man-made, so just ignore it.

20. I would always look straight into the eyes of the opponent and talk, boy or girl does not matter. I strongly feel that, if you look straight into someone’s eyes, the chances of them telling a lie to you will be minimal. Take it from me folks, its not that easy to look into someone eyes and talk, you have to practice a lot. I started doing it right from my school days. That is one good lesson that my (late) mom taught me.

21. I have a very bad habit, when it comes to relationships. I do little bit of face reading and the success rate for my face reading predictions are a good 60%, so if I feel that some individual is a person with whom I cannot mingle or get along, I will make sure that I don’t see or talk to them in my life again. I literally avoid seeing them.

22. When I am not in the best of my moods, I prefer to be alone. I will switch off my cell phone, I go lock my room and the only person who is allowed to disturb me at that time is, Ilayaraja. His songs are the best healers to me and within an hour or so, I regain normalcy. It is a very rare phenomenon of me going and locking myself in my room, I could not remember when the last time was.

23. I don’t skip my bath even if I am running high temperature. I just cannot touch my food without taking bath. There was a time when fate pushed me to the limits where I could not take bath, as I severely injured my ligament during a cricket match. I did not take bath for 2 days and finally I begged the doctor to allow me to take bath, so I arranged a stole inside my toilet and took bath in a sitting posture. That was fun!!

24. If not today, but somewhere down the lane, you can hear my name in the cine fraternity, but certainly behind the screens. I have serious plans of getting into that field and preparations are already on and don’t know when GOD is going to bless me in that new venture.

25. I usually faint (to some degree) when I see blood. I feel dizzy and something will make me go weak. If there is an accident on the road or if I hear an ambulance siren sound, first thing I would do is to pray for that patient and his family. I don’t have the guts to see an accident site. I am very timid in that sense.

It took 3 days for me to complete this tag. I want “Something & Nothings”, “Chennai Girl” and “The Dreamydryad” to do this tag.

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Feb 12, 2009

Just la Miss ...

I hope you folks must be following the news of flights making a narrow escape when landing at various airports, and the reason they give is, the control room is not communicating to the pilots on time. If these kinds of stuff continue to happen, this is what will be the future of all flight travel ...







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Pink Chaddi Campaign ...

I really don’t understand the reason behind giving so much of importance to a person who is a vermin by birth. We are actually popularizing Muthalik and his group by responding to all his stupid comments and acts. The biggest gainer in all these hungama is the media, as you all know, they feast on anything that is in existence or non-existence. When some individuals are taking the law on their hands and pretend as if they are protecting the culture of this country, and invariably they screw the basic right of a citizen of this country, which is called "Democracy"

I really don’t understand the fact behind sending "Pink Chaddis" to that sinister and his group. What are we trying to do here ? Are we trying to humiliate him ? For all those who are participating in this "Pink Chaddi Campaign", all I wanted to tell you folks is, you cannot humiliate or embarrass an uncouth, and he is not going to be bothered for such silly acts. If he is a person who is really bothered about embarrassment or humiliation, he wouldn’t have indulged himself in this "good for nothing" issue. He will be more than happy that he is getting more attention and advertisement without him spending a single penny. The best way to humiliate Muthalik and his gang is to IGNORE them and let’s be normal and do whatever we want to do in our life. If you are a party animal, just freak out and that's the best way to reply. If you lock yourself indoor, just because some idiotic group will attack you, that's when his group wins. It is not winning against you or I, it is winning against our fundamental right of "Democracy" in this country.

Muthalik to me is a half grown mushroom which creped up during last night's rain, all you need to do, is to step over him and trash him. If today you are feeling scared over a half grown mushroom, that same stuff will grow in size and may well destroy you freedom and happiness in the future forever. People who just want to shoot up to the limelight overnight and who does not have anything to do in their life other than scratching their balls, may contact Muthalik for ideas, he seem to be a cracked nut who has more ideas like this. All said and done, we should also appreciate the innovative idea he had brought in, which really made me to say "WoW" is, the arrangement of conducting "On the spot Marriage" on V-Day for couples. All single people who are "purely" single like me and who are still figuring out the knack of talking to girls, would just need to go out on V-Day and stand near a beautiful girl of your choice, and the rest would be taken care by Muthalik uncle and his gang. Once the marriage is done, it’s back to our culture where she has no choice other than living with you na ? ;-)

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Feb 11, 2009

A Part of Life ...

Kaavya was so tensed in the morning and she looked visibly disturbed, Varun on the other hand looked pretty relaxed and he got into his usual morning routine and he failed to notice this change in Kaavya's face. Varun usually leaves home only after Kaavya goes to work, though he was sucked into his hectic morning schedule of working out in the gym, taking his pet for a walk, showering his garden, washing his car etc etc, he did not fail to notice that Kaavya is still at home and she has not left for office. Though he could not think of a reason other than "ill health", he asked her if she is doing ok. Kaavya responded with a tear drop, which intimated Varun that something is wrong and serious...

Varun too decided to go to office late, as he knew that Kaavya needs his support than anything else. He just took her by his shoulder and by holding a subtle grip on her arm, he asked, "Is there anything I did wrong and that hurt you?", Kaavya was quick to nod her head to say "NO" to that and she said she has been in the bench for almost 4 weeks now and she is fearing a possible "termination notice" to her by today as her company is firing people "left-right-and-center". Kaavya and Varun recently moved into this city and they have bought a brand new house and there is huge loan that is staring at them and at this juncture if one of them loses their job, it’s going to be very difficult to pull the chariot by one horse. Varun literally laughed it loud and said, "I will be very happy if they fire you, coz, I will at least get time to spend with you once I get back from work", Kaavya managed to bring that smile on her face but she knew it is going to be difficult to manage with just Varun's income.

Varun gave her all the confidence and he also shared with her the investment plans that he has made and did a forecast for the next 10 years with their current investments on hand. Kaavya wished and prayed that she should not be fired as she wanted to share Varun's burden, financially. Both of them left to work, Varun did all the tricks he can to cheer her up and at times pulled her legs for being so timid in life. Varun dropped her at her office and he drove back to his office. Kaavya sms'ed Varun saying that she is so lucky to have such an understanding husband and she is truly blessed in that way, Varun replied to that SMS with a simple ROTFL. Kaavya's company is on "fire fighting" mode and they are doing all the tricks under the sun to save that sinking ship and the easiest way to start things is by removing folks who are "non billable". Kaavya's prayers were not enough to save her job, she was asked to surrender her ID card and leave the premises.

Kaavya wandered on the streets of Bangalore like a stray dog, she felt as if the entire world has crashed on her and there is not going to be a sunrise tomorrow. She started to think that she is now a burden to Varun and she is of no use to anyone anymore, ya, typical suicidal thoughts. She was disturbed from those thoughts by the SMS sent by Varun, it read - "Hey darling, What's dinner tonight ?", Kaavya replied back saying "Anything of your choice, coz you are the only bread winner to our family", and there were no exchange of text messages from them. Kaavya went home as early as 2 in the afternoon and she was welcomed by her neighbor who promptly asked "What yaar? So soon from work? Are you not feeling well?” Kaavya did not even bother to respond to those questions, she simply opened her door and went inside, pretending as if she did not hear anything.

Varun called her up around 6 and started with a "Sorry" and also he gave her the energy boosters saying that she can always find another job once the market situation improves, but Kaavya does not seem to be encouraged by all those pep talks, and was simply saying "hmm" for all his statements. Varun wanted to change her mood and he said that he will be back from work by 7 and they can go out for dinner, Kaavya was quick to respond to ask "Why? For celebrating my termination is it ?" and Varun replied, "Not really, it may be for you getting appointed as my wife 24X7" and that was the real ice-breaker which made Kaavya to burst into laughter. Kaavya too needed a change and she was in no mood to cook at home. She wanted to take her mind off that traumatic incident that happened today and she told herself that "Life is not just being employed".

It was 7, and Kaavya was ready to go out, it turned to be 7:30 and to 8:00, there were no signs of Varun coming back from work, all calls to his mobile went unanswered and Kaavya started to worry. Varun never fails to keep up his word and today seem to be an exception to that. Time raced to 9:00 PM and still there were no signs for Varun coming home, finally she decided to call up his friend and find out if Varun is into any meeting or conference call. Kaavya apologized for calling him so late in the night and enquired about Varun, and he gave her a reply which made her blood to froze, he said Varun has left for the day by 6:00 itself and he too expressed his surprise that he has not reached home yet, but at the same time he did not want to horrify her by giving more puzzled reaction, he said, he might have met some of his friends mid-way and he must have gone out with him for a drink. Kaavya is not in mood to listen to such imaginary reasons.

Kaavya told herself that this is one day in life which she wants to forget in a flash. The clock ticked 11 and she got terribly nervous, her mind spelled some wild imaginations, which made her sweat glands to open. She told herself a big "NO" and tried dialing his number for one last time and this time a sweet female voice answered her call saying "The number you are trying to reach is currently switched off". Kaavya's only option now is to dial to the emergency and enquire if there were any accidents in and around her area, that is something which she does not want to do, the clock went past 12 and was about to kiss 1 AM in the morning. Kaavya drowsed without her knowledge and suddenly she got up in a hurry as her mobile phone vibrated "Varun Calling ....", she was speech less for a minute and cried enough without saying a word, immediately the door bell rang and it was Varun flashing a sporty smile and asked her "So, now do you agree the fact that there are many more difficult times in life to worry about, than a lost job?", and started to laugh at her. That was Varun's prank on Kaavya to make her realize that losing a job is not so serious in life.

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Feb 4, 2009

It’s Recession Time ...

Ah, its recession time in IT once again and the companies are trying everything that they can do to increase the revenue and cut the cost. Cost cutting's first step has become "Job Cutting" and employers are firing left right and center, of course Satyam took this recession in a different way, they don't believe in cutting jobs so they have cut themselves from the market. So the end result is, job hoppers are not even dreaming to quit their job, consultants are not harassing you over the phone, job sites hit counts have come down drastically, those who have already uploaded their CVs on the job portals are taking it back, employees are doing anything their manager's ask them to do. Well what is the best way to get out of this mess? so here are my easy and simple steps to follow for both employers and employees to survive this recession storm ...

For Employers

Increasing revenue should be your first target and then comes cost cutting, here are some easy steps to increase the revenue - Start collecting money for printouts, 1 page 50 paisa, Have a counter just in front of the restroom, and charge Rs 2 for both the modes of bio-breaks, some employee may try to cheat the management, so place camera's inside the restrooms to avoid such situations. No stationary should be provided for free, charge Rs 5 for note books and Rs 3 for pens. HR people know which employee is in love with which employee, coz they are the people who gossip a lot and work little, collect the list of such employees and start giving threatening calls and extort money from them. Charge Re 1 for every email they send and 50 paisa for every email they receive. If the emails are personal then there should be a flat charge of Rs 2 for both incoming and out going. Browsing should obviously be charged, charge Rs 10 per hour for browsing and for chatting it would be Rs 1 per chat line. Install jammers inside the office premises and jam the signal of employee’s cell phone, at the same time provide calling booths inside the office and charge heavily for each call they make.

For employees who listen to songs from their desk, there would be an additional charge of Rs 50 per day on "Entertainment Quota" and also there should be an unlimited plan where employees can listen songs all thru the day and the charge would be Rs 1000 per month. Employees will be charged for the food that is being provided by the company and that is a policy by default, in order to increase the revenue, start charging for the amount of food they waste so they will have to pay for both. Managers can start collecting bribes from each employee so that he can assign less complex tasks to them, more the bribe amount, less the tasks assigned. That money can be pooled into the company's financial system. Employees, who want to sit next to some beautiful girl of that organization, can pay an amount of Rs 50000 per year and can sit next to that person. If that beautiful girl objects to that, he has to pay additional amount of Rs 25000 which would override her decision by the management. If that beautiful girl happens to get engaged or married or quit the organization, the management would not hold any responsibility.

Now coming to the cost cutting part - There are humpty number of ways to adapt when it comes to cost cutting and there are already many ways that have been proven fool proof in this industry, for example, switching off the AC after 6, stopping coffee / milk, no onsite travel etc etc, but with the current phase of recession, those does not seem to suffice to withstand this storm, so here are some more creative ideas to inject cost cutting in the company. First switch off all the lights, it's actually a huge saving not only to the company, but also to the country. If some employee complains that he or she cannot see the keyboard and type, fire them immediately sighting "poor sight". Coffee vending machines consume high electricity and needs lots of maintenance as well, at the same time the company cannot say they cannot offer coffee to it's employees, so sell all the coffee vending machines and tie one cow per floor, that cow should be well build and should have sharp horns, and the employees can feel free to milk the cow anytime and have their coffee. Cow gives milk without electricity, so you save cost on power.

Employers who provide cab services to pick up and drop it's employees can now start providing horses and bullock carts, employee safety takes first preference, they may get hurt or meet with an accident if they come in motor vehicles, so traveling by horses / bullock carts are even more safer. Since bullocks do not have a better vision during the night time, well grown owls should be used for house drop in the night. All organizations have old employees who just could not control their "fart", identify such employees and give them a good round of counseling and convince them to accept for a tube to be inserted to their back, so that the gas that is getting released would be collected in a cylinder, this processes reduces the cost of buying room fresheners to a great extent. Stop water supply in all the restrooms and if anyone asks for a reason tell them that there are lots of projects in the "pipeline" and hence there won’t be water supply. All conference rooms and discussion rooms should have a blackboard and chalk piece sticks, this would save cost on buying those whiteboard markers which anyways would write in white color once the ink gets dried. Similarly all projectors would be removed and a big magnifying lens would be placed for projecting screens.

For Employees

You folks must be irritated and frustrated by these cost cuttings and job cuttings, just chill out folks, we too have great options to survive this recession storm. First you have to prove the management that you are indispensable to that company, it is not that you should prove that by doing hard work, there are simple ways too. Easiest way is to marry your Project Manager or Vice President or Director's daughter, which would take care ensuring 50% of job security. Employees, who could not do that, should feel themselves as unlucky. If your manager is a guy, send him at least one link a day where he can see beautiful babes, and if it's a lady, send her one cooking tip a day, that would do. Do things that would impress your manager, ask him to leave the office early in the evening and assure him that you will take care of all his tasks, at the same time, inform to his manager that he has left the office by 4 PM and you impress him as well, this is what we call, one stone two mangoes. Give the management the feel that you are always working and they should never see you browsing or chatting. The simple way to do that is, take a snapshot of the application you generally work with and put that as your desktop background.

If there are no conference calls scheduled during the late hours of the day, just call up airtel and talk to that automatic voice response system, anyways managers are not going to understand, but remember to take it on the hand set and not on the speaker. When sending emails to your manager, make sure that these words come there for sure, whether there is a need for it or not - "under your able guidance", "with your support and encouragement", "as per your advice", "you rock", "I am blessed to work for you" etc etc. If your manager feels that the AC is cold, you should also feel the same thing, but he may feel terribly cold, just because he has not pulled up his zip after a short pee. Ok in short what I am trying to say is, treat your boss as your GOD, till he is getting fired. Invent work for yourself; don’t ever roam here and there in the floor just because you don’t have anything to do. Last but not the least, keep your managers updated and posted, even if you are stepping out for a fag or to attend a nature call.

I know these are difficult times for employees like us; also the employers are taking advantage of this situation and then piercing our wound even harder, this situation shall change anytime and after that we can trumpet on the roof and say that "We have survived this recession as well". For me this is the 3rd recession that I am seeing after coming into this industry, I don't know what's there for me in store.

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