Jul 13, 2010

We are calling from ...

Off late I have developed this habit of talking to the agents who call on my cell phone w.r.t Credit Cards, Personal Loans, Movie Rentals etc etc without disconnecting the line immediately. I am using this as a great opportunity to improve my sense of humor skills and giving a nice entertainment to my colleagues who sit around me, I thought of sharing some of the conversations I have with few agents of this sort and I hope you guys would enjoy reading this ...

Movie Rental Company (BIGFlix)

Ringing .... Ringing .... Ringing ....

Me: Hello, Satish here


Agent: Sir, we are calling from BigFlix Movie rental, is this a right time to talk to you sir ?


Me: Ok, you just said "We" are calling from BigFlix, so how many people we have in the call ? Is this some kind of a conference call ?


Agent: No sir, this is not a conference call, we may just record this call for audit purpose


Me: So, it is just only you and I in this call and it would be better if you would have said - "I am calling from BigFlix", ok carry on

Agent: Sir, thank you for your time in talking to BigFlix and willing to be our customer

Me: Wait, wait, I never called you, you only called me to discuss something, and how can you say that I am willing to be your customer or I am killing all your customer and all ?

Agent: Sorry sir, I wanted to thank you for considering BigFlix

Me: Again I am saying, I am not considering anything here, so what business you guys do ?

Agent: Sir, we are a movie rental company and we rent you DVDs. We have close to 5000 movies in our library and you can choose any movie you want, you can even order it online and we will deliver it right at your door step

Me: So you will send customers DVD's ahn ??

Agent: Yes sir.

Me: So what about this DVD Player ?? What will I do with just a DVD that you send ? I cannot see through a DVD and watch a movie right ? So will you send me DVD player as well ?

Agent: Sorry sir, we don't provide DVD player, we provide only DVD sir

Me: This is nonsense right ? What kind of customer service you guys are doing then ? Sending just a DVD is not going to be of any use naa ?

Agent: Silent .....

Me: Ok, leave that, let’s go to the basics, will you guys at least send a TV ? That is a mandate right ?

Agent: Sorry sir, we don't send TVs.

Me: Come on guys, you are running a business which is of no use to the end customer, you guys don't have an end-to-end solution here

Agent: Sir, we only give movie DVD's and the customer should have TV and DVD player

Me: This crazy right ? So tomorrow if BigFlix decides to start a HOTEL, you would expect your customers to bring Table, Chair, Plates, and Spoons etc etc ?? Won't you provide all those ??

Agent: Silent .....

Me: Ok assume that I will go ahead and get a DVD player and TV, what are the other services you guys provide other than sending DVD's

Agent: Sir, we have more than 5000 movies sir and you can order any movie you want online and we will deliver at your door step free of cost.

Me: So I can order any movie online is it ?? What if the movie I wanted to see is not with you guys ?

Agent: Sir we have close to 5000 movies sir, if your movie is not available online you will have to select another movie to rent

Me: Again that is not good right ? I pay money to watch the movies I like and not the movies you have.

Agent: So what kind of movies you would watch sir ?

Me: I watch all the latest movies which got released in the year 1920. Btw - Do you have to excellent movie called "Shantha Sakku Bhaai"

Agent: Sir, we only have movies which have released recently and not old movies

Me: This is terrible to hear yaar, then what kind of company you are ?? You don't provide me a DVD player to play, you don't provide me a TV, you don't have the movies your customer asks for, and then what the hell is good with BigFlix ?

Agent: Sir we have all latest English, Hindi, Tamil, Kannada and Malayalam movies sir

Me: See, I am a "thulu" speaking person, do you have "Thulu" language movies ?

Agent: No sir.

Me: Ok at least Konkini ?

Agent: No sir

Me: Forget it yaar, at least Urudu ?

Agent: No sir.

Me: Ok madam, let me ask you a frank question, if you were me, and if I say NO to all your questions, will you really be interested in doing business with me ?

Agent: No sir.

Me: ROTFL

Agent: Sir, I can actually send my person to your place to discuss this further, he will come directly to your address, can you please let me know your address ?

Me: Currently I am in Japan, Wednesday I will be in Singapore, Friday I will be in Korea, do one thing, ask your guy to come and meet me in "Philippines" next Monday

Agent: Sir, we cannot come to Philippines sir

Me: You just said that your person can come directly to the address I provide and now you are changing your statement that he cannot come ?? Are you kidding ?

Agent: Sir, if it is only within Bangalore, he can come sir

Me: But you did not tell me this before naa, so you are trying to cheat your customers ?? Is it ?

Agent: No sir, we will do business only within INDIA sir

Me: So for customers like me who are globe trotters, you guys will not provide any service is it ? This is pathetic yaar.

Agent: Sorry sir

Me: Ok I am not interested to do business with such a useless company.

Agent: Thank you for talking to us sir, and you have a great day.

Me: ROTFL

Agent: ................................................................ line disconnected.

Next post ... Insurance Policy Company (Stan Chartered)

Read more...

Jul 6, 2010

Married ...

After a short two week vacation for my marriage, I am back to work and as well to blogging. I got an answer to why folks have restricted to just one marriage (officially) in our society, it is so bloody taxing and it drains out every bit of energy an individual has. The oldies in the family actually bear the brunt of all these hungama, though they are mentally charged up to do things and participate in the proceedings; their physical stamina is not cooperating with them. I myself got physically and mentally exhausted in those three days and was waiting to get to home and vacate the marriage hall. Hindu tam-Brahms marriage rituals are pretty lengthy and elaborate and it would for sure test your stamina to the extent possible, starting from making you not to eat anything till you tie the knot to drying your tear glands in that hot, irritating smoke that comes out of the "homam" (fire), it is very very challenging.


I now have the rights to disagree with every astrologer and every soothsayer who asked me and my family to do humpty number of things just for me to get married, I was hell bent in not doing any of those prescribed "parihaarams" (not sure what is the equivalent term for this in english) and proved everyone wrong that even without doing all these when the "right time" comes, no one can stop the inevitable, I am not suspecting the skill or the caliber of those astrologers here, all I am trying to say is, there is nothing superior in this world than GOD and let’s not try to please him by doing all those silly things. I would recommend my readers who are single, not to get carried away by the predictions of astrologers and lose hope or blindly follow all the "parihaarams" he or she says, no one in this world can predict anything, I am not a believer of astrology, to me, folks who believe in astrology are folks who don't believe themselves. I hate horoscopes as well, but unfortunately our previous generation is too obsessed with that and I cannot change their mindset in a day, but for sure, my kid will not have a horoscope written, I am pretty firm in doing that.

Marriage went on really fine and I am simply moved by the presence of my near and dear ones at this memorable moment of my life, I thank all my friends who could make it for the show and also the folks who wished me their wishes via voice and text. I am never a person who likes to be in the limelight, but on this particular occasion there is no choice but to be in the limelight, the still photographer at one stage got on to my nerves when he asked me and my wife to give all funny poses and we both strongly refused to that. The general tam-brahm rituals for a marriage are very funny in the first place and I have to painfully sit through all those, to top the chart of the most silly and stupid ritual is the "nalangu" where the bride and the bridegroom would be asked to roll the coconut, break pappads on the head, drop a ring in a bucket of water and taking it out, etc etc, I was embarrassed to the core and to add to my embarrassment, they all forced me to sing a song :(. Another embarrassing moment came when the entire family asked me to feed my wify a sweet, though we both resisted to the extent possible, finally the families won.

Marriage is a whale of a change to a girl than to a guy, though I am not saying something the world does not know but it gives me a different feel to see that happen in front of my eyes. My wife has left all her near and dear ones just for me and to live a life with me, if I have to put myself in her shoes; I am not sure how I would react to such a situation. It also means that I should be a highly balance person and keep in mind the likes and dislikes of my partner and not to take one-sided decisions and expect my partner to agree. I am so glued to my family and they in turn are glued to me, so I should strike a fine balance in a way, I make sure that my family does not feel that I have "changed" after marriage, as well as my wife does not feel that I am too "centered" towards my family and give her a damn, I know this is going to be a challenge and I will have to be very sensitive about this.

Anyways, all the hungama is over and now I am back to my routine self, my wify is getting settled in this new place and hope she like this new environment. Life is full of compromises and adjustments and I hope we both would be able to do that with ease, but I am not too greedy to pray for a peaceful life, I know issues and fights are bound to happen, but how fast we both get out of that and come back to normalcy matters the most. With lots of hope and faith on GOD, I am starting this new life, so please wish me and my family good luck


Read more...