All of a sudden today morning when I woke up, I was struck by a lightening thought which asked me a question, "What am I doing in Life ?" and this question seem to haunt me for quite some time now and for the sake of me and GOD, please don't equate this thought or question to the fact that I am single, and I would straight away mark that as rubbish, but if I have to give a deep thought to search for an answer to this question, my mind took me to lot of factors which would have probably prompted me to have this question coming up in my mind, and just note a point here, all these thinking’s and searches and answers happened in a flash and I was out of my bed the next minute and it was fascinating to see that my brain worked super fast to give me clues for why am I getting this haunting question very frequently these days and here I am sharing those inner thoughts to my readers and I am sure there would be individuals in this planet who are going through this same phase and the same question would be lingering in your thoughts as well.
First and foremost I would say that the kind of profession I am in would probably attribute the major slice of the pie on this "What am I doing in Life ?" question, but this does not mean that being in software industry for little over 12 years is a sin, I certainly cherish every year I have spent in this field and still cherishing it, but the fact which is probably hiding behind those cerebrum and cerebellum is, a kind of mundane has started to settle into the work and I have a feeling that I am doing the same old job again and again. Being an Architect for a product company is certainly challenging, but somehow those challenges are not satisfying me or my mind, and thanks to GOOGLE who has almost given every possible answer for a problem at a click, maybe I am getting old to think a lot and bring in innovative ideas which would probably justify my role of being an "Architect" or maybe I am far superior than an average developer and hence whatever I say folks just blindly agree and refuse to challenge me? And I am for sure that they refusing to challenge me would not be for my technical skills, it would probably be for my age ;-)
When I see other folks who are of my age, being content with what they are doing by having a 9 to 5 job and happy to run a family and take care of their kids and stuffs like that, I somewhat feel that is not the life I wanted to live and I don't really wanna get into a nut shell and be one in a zillion, but seriously I don't know if I have any extra potential to stand out from the rest of the crowd and do something different, but who can stop a dreaming mind, I do feel that I can be different and do things which others cannot do, well, if I have to touch my heart and think about that, what all I have said in this paragraph are crap. May be I am lost in life for the fact that I don't know what to do next, or probably I don't have any bigger aim in life so that I can work towards it. I never dreamt that I would be blessed with such a wonderful life in the first place; maybe I am pampered to the extent possibly by GOD that I really don’t have to worry about my future. When a person like me who has everything in life and little to no worries, worrying about what to do next, sounds stupid right? Oh yaa, who said I am not a stupid.
When I talk to my friends all they say is "Get Married" but is that what considered as an "achievement" in an individual's life? Or is that considered as an end point to your purpose of birth? I don't think so, but at the same time I am not denying the fact that we always need a shoulder to cry and rest, but that does not guarantee you a peaceful life or a goal for your life, may be you will feel some meaning for the amount of money you earn and spend, may be you will act as if you are responsible and matured, may be you will have a sense of pride that you have a minimized version of your flesh and blood sleeping on your lap, may be your will be proud to be called as "someone's" husband, but that still does not answer the question "What am I doing in Life ?", I am sure all these would become mundane at some point in time in your life, and I am hearing loud screams from you folks that "You bloody idiot, that is what is called as a life cycle", agreed, agreed!!! But that does not seem to convince ME, maybe I am a NUT, who fails to enjoy the happiness of today and worry about the peace of tomorrow.
Fine, if I don't want to be in this industry, I should quit my job and do something which motivates me to do in life and keep going in that path till that path gets boring, so what are all the other capabilities I have to change my path ? Am I a good actor?? NO, Am I a good painter?? NO, Am I a good singer?? NO, Am I a good sports person?? NO, Am I a good creative person?? NO, Am I a good teacher?? NOOOO, Am I a good cook?? NO, Am I a fool?? Looks like, Am I Insane?? For sure, am I preparing myself to go and get admitted into NIMHANS?? Perfect. So when I don't posses any qualities other than this stupid technical skills and that too half-baked, what else I can do other than blogging about this and still doing nothing about it to change. I am for sure know one thing here, I am suffering from this famous "Mid-Age Crisis" and folks who are of my mind state, please do send in your comments and we folks can join a club "Vazhukkai Vizhundha Velangaadha Vaalibar Sangam" How is it ??? - FYI - I am not bald yet, but will soon be for sure.